[ We Could Not Suppose… ]
I’ve been deeply focused on the concept of faith lately & these four words: “We could not suppose…”. In my situation a lot of kind people come to visit, offering advice or comfort. Something that often surfaces in conversation is this comment: “If only we had a sneak peak”, or “if only we knew it’d all be okay, or that it’d all work out”. “If we knew when it’d get better, or what it was, or what you’re learning, then you could deal with it.” An “if… then…” statement that is almost like a condition for the Lord.

I’m guilty of this too, especially in this situation. I’ve said over & over again that if only I had a glimpse of the future, some reassurance, or an explanation of what this is or what I’m leaning & becoming because of this, then I could continue faithful with more peace in my heart. I’ve planned on parasites and disease. I’ve prayed in an MRI tube for the possibility of a tumor so I’d finally have an answer. I’ve begged with tears streaming down my face to know or to have a reassurance of the future. I’ve found myself asking over & over again for a way out or for the knowledge I think I need to be strong or continue on.

So I’ve been thinking about this a lot & about what’s wrong with this process, & there’s a lot. It’s like conditioning our confidence or trust on a preview. It takes away an opportunity, & often probably the entire purpose of the trial. It doesn’t build faith & it doesn’t allow us to rely on the Lord.
Sometimes when I think about the Plan of Salvation I’m sure we’re just supposed to make it through this life with our faith intact. That’s all. And of course, let that faith determine our actions.

Faith: the hope for things not seen, which are true. The hope for a better world, for a way home, for a brighter tomorrow.
We’re not granted our many wishes to see into the future, or our endless pleas for validation of our current location because if we were we’d remain the same. It’s easy to accept a bleak today when we know it’ll all be bright again in a week, but that’s not how life works. We can’t ask for the outcome or the date of the victory. It defeats the purpose & every opportunity to build & exercise faith.

So here come those four little words that hold so much significance. Alma 26:1″…My brothers and my beloved brethren, behold I say unto you, how great reason have we to rejoice; for we could not have supposed when we started from the land of Zarahemla that God would have granted into us such great blessings.”
V. 2: “…And this is the blessing which hath been bestowed upon us, that we have been made instruments in the hands of God to bring about this great work.”

They held onto that idea over & over again that they could not suppose the blessings & miracles heading their way. & after the fact they sat confident in the Lord’s plan, saying, when troubles or uncertainty would arise, we could not suppose then the ways the Lord would bless & deliver us & we believe now as we did then that he will help us. He always does. So we will trust & be patient & put our confidence in His plan & most of all in His timing.

& so although I sit in pain, watching it all progressively get worse, my health declining & my soul struggling, I will press on. Though I haven’t yet said “we could not suppose” referring to my current situation, I believe I will. Someday I hope I’ll find relief. That I’ll look back, grateful & satisfied, with tears in my eyes instead of on my pillow saying, “you could not suppose”. Or, “you had no idea what the Lord had planned”. That I’ll remember those days I was breaking, hope faltering. The nights I begged & bartered, frustrated with my situation. & instead of being dissatisfied with God’s plan or presence I’ll be dissatisfied with myself & my lack of confidence in Him. That I’ll wish I could grab myself by the shoulders & say, “stop being hysterical, your life turns out awesome.”
Even though I’m not there yet & I feel forever stuck in the struggle phase, I have some peace, some hope that it will all work out.
That’s where my faith is; that I trust it will & I’ll say, “we could not suppose”.

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