–Eyes Just Sleeping–
Sometimes I wonder what would be if more people walked around with their eyes open instead of squeezed shut, because I wholeheartedly believe we’re all a little blind. I don’t mean the prescription of your contact lenses, I mean your 20/20 vision into another’s soul.
So many people are shut up inside themselves like a music box waiting to gasp their melody & it’s a shame we hold the keys to human beings in our hands. But we drop them under our shoe like a weed; & it hurts to be dropped because even weeds need to breathe. & so our smothered hearts & parched minds create treasure maps to the soul in attempted diversions to confuse & test & ultimately prove the worthiness to see inside, when we were once a book set open for anyone with eyes. & so the walls come up with heartache & pain & our twisted souls are hidden; embarrassed by the reality of so much imperfection when the costumes of others seem to be flawless.
& so it goes that we are all locked up, wishing for things we won’t voice. Staying our sound when we all long to be loved for more than our faces marked with misconceptions of beauty or actions that can never be seen as 100%. I can’t be the only one to want for someone with open eyes to see into every corner of my soul & long to be familiar with it forever, understanding why I step where I do & looking on with mercy instead of criticism.
If only it were appreciated that cold cereal is a staple & my thoughts run together like watercolors. If only someone understood that my fear of arachnids, however irrational, is justified in every inch of my mind with vivid scenes of distorted reality.
Perhaps it would be nice not to be harshly accused of actions second nature to me & instead be accepted in my soul’s wants to be genuinely me, welcomed with open arms & not just a cracked door anticipating fingers to be smashed upon the close. To stop feeling uncomfortable when I am truly being looked at because all I really want is to be seen.
& that’s what I love about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s what I love about the Savior & Redeemer Himself. That however often I feel painfully misunderstood, I can feel equally, mercifully established in the honors of my heart.
I’ve spent far too long believing no one understands the tune of my soul, whether played or hushed. Far too many weeks & months & years believing that even those willing ears can’t seem to hear my flawed attempts to create phonics. Believing that people are too busy & disappointments are final.
& to some portion of life this is all true; people are busy & disappointments come & no one really seems to feel the way you do when you’re caught staring at a stranger with adoration or you hear bad news of another & an honest tear falls, or your ankle twists into the uneven part of the front lawn as you run into the dark & your wounds really are only known to you because pain is relative & sympathy fleeting.
But someone does know. He knows. The Lord & Master of all has known my soul, for in some way I can’t seem to fully comprehend with all my pondering, He lived my life long before I ever did. He walked every step, whether filled with joy or heartache, understanding the growing pains, paper cuts, & broken hearts. Looking on with mercy as the doubts form & rejoicing when He helps to shatter them. He is the Savior & Redeemer of my soul; my Advocate & greatest friend.
& what boggles my mind even more than that; being so blessed with this gift above all else; this renewed chance at redemption if only I choose Him; is that He does the same thing for every other human being, past, present, or future. He will always be there; for you & for me.
“God be thanked for the matchless gift of His divine Son.”