Hello, hello!

1. Last week was rough, Monday and Tuesday especially, but it’s getting better. I’m noticing all of my weaknesses & insecurities here.

2. The mission… It’s kind of like growing pains. Just when you get comfortable they come back, and so it is with life. Honestly, the mission is hard. I know I keep saying that, but part of me feels like I was lied to, or at least mislead in some aspects. No, I never thought it would be easy, but nobody told me about the adjustment period. I was thinking the CCM would be the hard part, but I enjoyed most of that. There were a few days last week I wondered if I could go another day. I think it was a lot to have everything piled on all at once, and sometimes I still wonder. I still don’t like contacts and sometimes it’s embarrassing when people make fun of my Spanish, and I think that my life here is just one long, awkward, uncomfortable saga of wishing I was better at this, and of more use to the Lord.

But life is not a wish granting factory and apparently I have a lot to learn before I will breathe this in like so many others do. There are moments I don’t like it, that I don’t want to do some of it, like when people are making fun of me and don’t think I understand but I do. Or when we get yelled at, or when a dog almost bites me. And there are moments of hope when I know I will love this, like when a cute elderly lady cries to me during a contact and I get to testify of the Plan of Salvation and tell her she will see her husband again.

And so it’s enough right now to be living it. Sure, most of the time I’m uncomfortable and exhausted and just grateful this is temporary, but I like it more and more everyday. It’s not fast, but little by little, it’s growing on me. Occasionally I’m blessed with a reminder that this is a field and a work of goodness and miracles, and that is His work, not mine. It’s an opportunity to represent Him & serve these people, and He probably expects me to be happier and kinder than I have been. So I’m working on my long list of weaknesses and I will keep you updated on how that goes. It’s hard sometimes to remember all I have learned and felt and know about the Gospel. I feel like I am constantly giving myself pep talks, reminding myself that because I’m on the Lord’s errand He will help me. This goes slower than I’d like it to, & it’s kind of just a heap of disappointments separated every so often by a miracle.

I’ve been memorizing a few scriptures to help me remember what I know, & I think I’ll share a few with you.

Luke 1:37 ‘For with God, nothing shall be impossible.”

Alma 26:37 “God is mindful of every people whatsoever land they may be in… now this is my joy and my great thanksgiving, yea I will give thanks unto my God forever.”

2 Nephi 4:19-21

19. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.

20. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.

21. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.

I suppose that’s my message this week… That Spanish is hard, the mission is exhausting, & Chileans speak a whole lot differently than my teachers in Mexico did. It’s hard to understand them, even when I should know what they’re saying. They’d never admit it, but sometimes their speech sounds like a movie in fast forward… mumbled & way too fast. Just add in some Spanish slang & you’re speaking Castelleno.

Life isn’t always a walk in the park, but that I have to remember who I’ve put my trust in. It’s in Him, not me. & so all is well with my soul, even when it’s not.

I love all of you at home so much & I’m praying for you. Thank you for praying for me.

Que tenga un buen dia!

Hermana Holt

P.S. Pictures include the view from Presiden’t house when we went for interviews, enchanting Chile, & the prettiest plants I’ve found here.


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